I was trying to find something fun and upbeat to write about, but that would not match my mood and feelings for the day. I promised this would be a brutally honest blog and sometimes honest is not pretty.
As I write this Elowyn still hasn’t had a nap and is doing summersaults in her bed. Emelia has been awake for two and a half hours and is practicing her kicking in her crib. Should I get them up? Probably. But I need a minute and they are both 100% safe and happy in their beds.
Nothing particularly bad happened today. No one got hurt, no one has been acting out. Nothing like that happened at all. But, I had a baby less than three months ago, I’m breast feeding, and I already struggle with anxiety without all the hormone shifts to make me feel crazy.
Things seem worse to me when my life is disorganized. Thanks OCD. So when my house is a mess (even though a lot of people would say it’s fine…thanks Mom 🤣) it makes everything seem hectic and crazy to me. When laundry isn’t done and toys aren’t organized it sends me into a spiral of sorts. Usually this leads to a few sweaty hours of cleaning and then I feel much better. But today my anxiety and OCD are coupled with exhaustion and lack of motivation. I know this is from hormones and it usually gets better after a few days but today it seems overwhelming.
I read all these motivational things about letting the mess wait, or living in the moment and I wish I could be someone who did those things. The fact is though, I won’t feel better until I clean the house and organize things. It weighs heavy on my mind until it’s taken care of. It makes small toddler fits seem like a huge deal, and a baby who skips a nap seem like a way bigger deal than it is.
I write this in case someone else is feeling this way and needs to know it’s ok. Do whatever you need to do to take care of your mental health. Does that mean maybe your kids watched way too much t.v. today? Or you ignored all the chores and dinner and you are having fast food tonight? Maybe you didn’t play with the kids much because you had to clean before you went crazy. Whatever it is, however you are dealing with it, just remember one bad day is not a bad life. One bad week, does not make you a bad person. You are enough no matter how you are feeling.
The only way I get through these slumps is by embracing how I’m feeling. I’m tired and worn down today and that’s ok. The dishes in the sink won’t cause a disaster because I waited a few hours to take care of them.
Mornings With Mama 