I am back after an extended break for my best friends wedding! I was (kind of) the matron of honor and Elowyn was the flower girl. The rehearsal was Friday and the wedding was Saturday. Sunday and Monday we spent recharging our batteries. We were all exhausted!
I say I was kind of the matron of honor because well, I wasn’t very good at it. I kind of forgot planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party were a thing. Between having a newborn and covid it just never occurred to me. Luckily other people picked up my slack and for that I am incredibly thankful.
The other thing I’m thankful for? A friend that is so understanding. Even before covid and kids I was (and still very much am) a home body. I do not feel the need to go and do many things. I love being at home with my kids all day. Kassie has always understood that. She knows most times if she wants to hang out it will be at my house. This isn’t because I’m being selfish or lazy. It’s from crippling social anxiety. Even going to my Mom’s or my sister’s house makes me anxious. Once I’m there I have a great time sure, but the getting there is very hard for me.
It was extremely important for me to give Kassie 100% of myself on her wedding day. I needed to do that for her. However, my children had different plans. Emelia decided only mommy was allowed to feed her. I had to leave the hotel we were getting ready at, speed 85 all the way home (and back), nurse Emelia and since I was home Elowyn wasn’t going to go take a nap without a song from her mama so I sang to her. In my head I’m rushing, but one thing I absolutely hate is when children are rushed because parents are rushed, so on the outside I was calm. On the inside I was silently cursing myself for having to leave Kassie’s side on her wedding day and trying my best to get back as soon as possible.
Maybe on the inside she was silently cursing me too but never did she seem upset or tell me my kids would be ok with out me.
I have seen other people lose so many friends once they have kids. If you don’t have kids, you can’t quite understand the shift your whole life takes once children are involved. Leaving the house becomes an Olympic event. Especially when they are babies. You have to miss out on a lot of things you previously did with your friends and rightfully so that hurts their feelings. No one is wrong in this situation. My kids will always come first, but my friends aren’t wrong to feel upset by this. It’s understandable when they stop inviting you to things and you slowly grow apart. But it sucks for everyone.
A few days before the wedding I text my other best friend Dani. I knew even responding to text messages would be hard that whole week so I apologized for not answering her much and I promised I would respond as often as I could. Her response, something along the lines of…that sounds like a crazy week, don’t worry about me at all, I’ll be here whenever you have a chance to talk. Guys, how was I blessed with not one but two amazing best friends? I can’t even explain how thankful I am for these two people in my life. They are not family. They do not have children of their own. But here they both are, always there for me, always so incredibly understanding.
Because I am also so lucky to have an amazing family and husband (I could make several blog posts about just how lucky I am to have so many fantastic people in my life!) I didn’t have to leave Kassie’s side again and we had an amazing time at her wedding.
It took two days, but we are now recharged and back to our regular scheduled lives! I wouldn’t change that day for anything. It was a beautiful wedding and I’m so happy I got to be a part of it!
Mornings With Mama 